Decisions

It’s been a long process but we have come to a decision. I’ve not been very vocal about our internal struggles in regards to this but I feel I must be honest. I must write it out and record my thoughts.

We will not be adopting Krys.

As hard as it is to say out loud, I know it is the right desicion.

Over the past few months Ryan and I have looked closely at how her presence affects and influences X & E,  how her behavior has been progressing/regressing, how she affects us as parents, and most specifically, what it is that God wants us to do.

My brain was saying “NO, this isn’t going to work”….but my heart was saying “she’s just a little girl…..who else will be able to provide her a home like we have?”

And that was the key…..we didn’t want to subject her to more of “the system”. She’s already been to enough foster homes. She needs a forever home where she can get all the attention she needs, where there won’t be similar aged kids for her to be jealous of, and where they care as much as we do.

Whenever I prayed about it I found myself back to the same line of thinking: “No other foster/adopt home will be as good as we can offer her.”

That’s when I realized my pride was getting in the way. (And I was wondering why the word humility kept coming up in my bible study.)

…..of course there are other great homes out there. We would just need to be diligent and clear with CPS to ensure she gets one of those homes.

There was also the matter of resentment. She resented us for taking her sister away. Something she hasn’t remotely moved past. And while we tell her that it wasn’t our decision and that we had nothing to do with it….the truth is that we did take her sister away. No amount of fibs will cover up what she  lived through with us.

And so, we made the decision. We aren’t going to let our pride in thinking we are the only ones who could do the job get in the way of her success. Her therapist said last week, “She’s a different Krys than she was 8 months ago….you have forever changed her life.”

Sometimes, a little is all you can give. I pray that our little offering to her life is significant and meaningful.

Please keep Krys in your prayers. We don’t know when she’ll move but regardless, it will be a hard transition for her.

I adore this picture I took of her Friday night. While she kind of has that “adorably pathetic” look, I know that she was really just telling me she wanted to play in the sand box before eating her mac&cheese at Las Palapas.