you have everything worked out: the phone rings.

"Kate would like to talk to her Mommy." I heard on the other line.

Me: "Ok, that's me."

Kate: "Mommy?"

Me: "Hi Kate, how are you?"

Kate: "Hi Mommy, I miss you."

Oh dear Lord, this is not what I expected…..I thought she wasn't attached.

(she then says hello to X and Krys)

Kate: "Mommy, I wanted to tell you that I miss your house because I like getting money for doing chores….and getting stickers. And I wanted to tell you that that is why I want to go back there."

Me: at a loss for words "Oh, I'm glad you liked that. Are you doing good there….are you working with the doctors?"

Kate: "yes"

Me: "Are you going to school?"

Kate: "No, I'm not in school here…….Mommy, will you tell Daddy that I said hi and that I love him?"

Me: "Of course I will. Okay….you have sweet dreams tonight pumpkin."

Kate: "Okay, sweet dreams…I love you."

Me: "I love you too."

And just like that you remember that buried deep under all the mess there is a sweet 6 year old girl who needs more love than the world can give.

My heart aches like never before. It was easy when we thought/believed that she wasn't attached……that she didn't miss us. 

So….

It is going pretty good as a family of 5. Everything seems so much easier….quieter…..calmer.

Krys is doing good. We now can give her our undivided attention.  Not only does she love it but it has also given us the opportunity to try and kick this peeing problem. She went all day yesterday and today without wetting her pants at school. We've rewarded her with a ring-pop each time. Rewards like this were hard to give with Kate b/c  would have a fit over not getting one herself. X is smart enough to understand why we have to give Krys rewards like these to get her to stop wetting her pants.

She hasn't asked a lot of questions about Kate. Today at therapy she was told about how Kate would be gone for a while and she didn't seem too concerned. We are thinking about switching Krys and E's rooms. We want to change any routine that may remind Krys of Kate (as suggested by therapist). We aren't really ready to give E a big boy bed though. So now we just need to decide whether or not E would adjust to the crib in a new room. I'm sure Krys would love to share the "Jack and Jill" bathroom with X.

X has been really enjoying school. She came home on Tuesday and confessed that she had to "drop an apple" for talking when she shouldn't have been. Ry and I weren't the least bit upset though….we were actually pretty happy. To us, it means she was talking…making friends…having fun! Hooray!

So here's what happened today.

During our 10am CPS meeting it was determined that Kate needed to be admitted for psychiatric evaluation based on the threat to have X killed, violent behaivor against E and X, and overall behavioral issues. We discussed with the case workers our options to keep Krys and decided that we would like to have her remain in our home. We also discussed whether Kate would return to our home after her (up to) 2 week psych evaluation. We decided that she should not come back to our home.

A tough decision that, unfortunately, had to made for the best interest of not only Kate, but everyone in the family. There will be a later option to either accept her back later; reunite her and Krys and give them both up; or adopt Krys and allow Kate to be adopted seperately.

It makes me so sad for Kate. I know she can't control it, I know its not her fault. But I also know I cannot provide the care she needs. 

So we were a bit concerned with Krys's reaction to Kate no longer being here. Oddly, she didn't even realize she was  gone until an hour after being home.  And even then, she didn't really even bat an eye. Strange.

The house was very different without her tonight. Quiet and easy, to be honest. (As much as I hate to say it.)

Thank you for all your prayers for her. She has a long road ahead. God bless her.

Today Kate will be admitted to a local psych hospital for pyschological evaluation. She could stay up to 2 weeks depending on their findings.

Please pray for her. 

This isn't going to be easy…..but we know its the right thing to do for her.

I keep singing this song because of this very memorable commercial from 1996. LOVE IT!

So seriously, it's been crazy busy here at the Newcom house getting ready for our first back to school time. I have so much to blog I almost don't know where to begin!

I'll choose………..(eenie meenie miny mo)…………Krys.

I was preparing to blog about our incredible frustration with Krys peeing her pants everyday at school this week (and multiple times at home too). However, I am elated to report that she went the ENTIRE day today without an accident! Hooray! I was so proud of her tonight when we checked her underwear when she went to get a bath. Usually she'll go all day then right before bath, she'll just relax and go in her pants. Not tonight. To celebrate this momumental achievement, she gets a ring pop. She celebrated by dancing in the bath tub naked and singing, "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me". Gotta love that girl.

She also had her first soccer practice on Saturday. She did okay…..she just needs to learn you can't pick the ball up and carry it down the field.

Next, is E. Today we woke up at 5:56am to "I wan Dada" over and over again. He is such a daddy's boy right now it isn't funny. He will run right past me when I have arms open wide and find Ryan. Makes me slightly sad but then again he prefers Ry to change his diapers so I'm okay with that.

He is doing much better at "school"/daycare. He seems to be playing on his own a lot better and is learning to express himself a bit more.

Kate. Oh, my dear Kate. She has been doing somewhat better. The new medicine is working extremely well but only for about 4-5 hours at a time. She's been crazy in the evenings when her dose is worn off. It's hard not to get made at her for not doing what you are asking. She is just so scattered–you have to remind yourself that she can truly not control her behavior.

Today was excellent though. She got ready easy, behaved nicely during small group, ate lunch without any real issues, and actually stayed pretty controlled all evening as far as behavior goes. Tonight at dinner she actually finished her dinner before X did!  It was amazing! And she went back for seconds. Now, that is progress. 

Praise God.

She is very excited about school. Hasn't really expressed any concern about repeating Kinder. Honestly I think she is just kinda clueless when it comes to what is going on around her and she hasn't fully recognized and accepted the fact that she is in kinder again. 

Oh yeah, and I also felt like I had some breakthrough progress with her this morning. It started yesterday when we cut ribbon out of my scrapbooking ribbon collection for their hair and school. Kate had a fit because I wouldn't put any ribbons in her hair at that exact moment. I informed her that the ribbons were for fixing hair for school and she didn't need one while just playing around the house. She proceeded to have a small tantrum.  We discussed being thankful versus being a complainer. This morning, however, she asked again if she could have pink ribbon in her hair to match her dress for church. I said yes. She looked up at me and said, "Thank you so much Mommy. I know they are for school and I am thankful to wear it to church".

Seriously, Praise God.

FYI: her ribbon had already fallen out of her hair at this point of the morning/afternoon. Here she is walking a puppy after small group.

And finally, X. She is doing good. Really nervous about first grade. She confessed the other day out of nowhere that she thought she was ugly and that she doesn't like to have black skin. Bless her heart, she doesn't know just how gorgeous she is. It's funny to me that she thinks that when every single person who meets her comments on how pretty she is. Even Mrs. Eoff, her first grade teacher, commented how beautiful she was when they first met. We'll have to work on building that self confidence up.

Speaking of her first grade class though…..I was elated to find X Newcom written in her classroom. Her desk says it, her cubby, the door. It was so super! My heart skipped a beat with the excitement of seeing that for the first time. I kept telling her she was going to school as X Newcom but when the adoption date didn't get set, and didn't get set, I was worried she'd have to go through a name change halfway into school. The teacher was so kind to honor our request of calling her by Newcom to start off with. 

And then there is Ry & I.

Last night…..for the first time in 11 months…..we went on a date. AAHHHHH!!!! It was wonderful! Our dear friends Lacey & Jarrett came just after we put the kids to bed and hung out playing the Wii and watching TV while went went out to CoCo's. The reason we were finally able to do this is that Lacey & Jarrett just became licensed to be foster parents. They may actually be getting their first placement this week! We snatched them up before they got kids to give ourselves a night out of the house.We had an awesome time…..drank some wine, had some lots of chocolate. It's so crazy to think that we haven't been out alone together for almost a year. What a glorious treat!

So, look for some terrific school bus photos tomorrow. I have high hopes for my morning photography session!

We met with the principal of the school yesterday to discuss Kate. It went very well. She was very helpful and agreed completely that kinder is the best route for Kate. She even offered up some possible "behavioral therapy" throughout the school year. We gladly agreed that anything she qualified for would be welcomed assistance.

She commented how nice it was that we had such an objective outlook on what is best for her. Most parents take this type of thing personally and refuse the help offered. 

Not us. We fully acknowledge we need all the help we can get.

We have yet to tell Kate she's going to Kinder again. I'm not sure how she'll respond but I don't think it will be good. But then again, she told me yesterday she wanted a new home. I'm not really sure what will make this girl happy. Well, it would probably be: not making her eat, being allowed to beat others up, and me buying everything she says she wants.

Seriously. I just can't do what every other parent has done before.

X started dance classes today. She did really great. The best part about X's personality is her respect for authority. She fully paid attention to the teacher at all times and quickly got into position whenever the teacher asked. At several points she was the only girl actually ready in position when the music started. (Just imagine 20 5-7 year olds in a small room with dance music on…..extremely hard to keep attention). And X loved it. She is very excited to go back next week!

I am off work today and am looking forward to getting some odds/ends completed on my to-do list. I'm getting X and Kate's haircut and hoping to meet up with my dear friend Cortney. If you are expecting a phone call from me…(my other dear friend Angela)–that is on my to-do list tonight after bedtime.

I leave you with pictures from yesterday's bubble wrap party:

So, I'm back after what I consider to be a long time away from the blog. I have not been feeling to great this week. I've battled a horrible, consistent headache, dizziness, fatigue, generalized nervous/panic feelings. While some "friends" have suggested pregnancy, I assure the rest of you that it is not the reason! After getting a lot of rest last night (9.5 hours–an unbelievable amount for me) I am actually feeling much better.

It helped that yesterday was quite an easy relaxing day as well. After going to scrapbook at the church (which I was horribly unproductive b/c I didn't feel good), we had JD, Barb, & Morgan over for lunch. The kids behaved incredibly well while all sitting at the kiddie table. Which makes it nice because we had guests there but also made us look like fools when we tell our friends that meal time is the worst time ever in the Newcom house. O well, I'll take good behavior anyday-whatever the reason! After lunch we played some Wii. Barb totally rocked out on Guitar Hero.

Later last night, our friends, Jarrett & Lacey came over to experience life with 4 children. They are getting ready to begin their first foster placement very soon so we were trying to offer up every bit of advice we could. It's always so nice having extra people in the house….they entertained with the Wii while Ryan and I did our systematic bathtime routine. We let E stay up since he took such a late nap. He played so good on his own all evening while we sat around and talked. (Again making this parenting thing look very easy!)

One thing we've learned to surrender as parents of 4 children is our time line. Church at 8am on a Sunday morning may have worked for X & E, but does not work for X, E, Kate, & Krys. While we love being a part of the 8 o'clock crowd at church and having the rest of our day free….it was making for some seriously cranky kids all day. Today, we had no alarm set. We were just going to wake up when E woke up…which happened to be 8am today. LOVE IT! Once he was up, the other 3 followed quickly. We took our time getting everyone ready, watching cartoons in between hair styles, and not having to yell for everyone to hurry up. So much nicer. We ended up at the 11:15 service, everyone happy, in good moods, and wide awake! Such a better way to work the day!

So, now to the happenings with the kids. Kate has become somewhat of a recluse, if you will, playing webkins while everyone else in the family is playing outside, or when guests come over she won't even acknowledge them. She's still fighting over just about everything, not listening, and not wanting to eat her food. We have a meeting at school tomorrow to discuss her grade placement this year.

Krys is doing pretty well. She definitely has her moments when she can go from:

to this: 

We are hoping her new soccer team can help in her interact better with others. She got to shopping for a new soccer ball, shin guards, and cleats. She is quite excited and keeps asking when she is going to grow up and be a soccer player.

X is doing good. Not necessarily the angel she's always been, but normal just the same. She likes to contribute to some of the petty drama that goes on. For example, as I was photographing Krys yesterday she was holding X's snake up for the picture. X decided that she wanted the snake and before you knew it:

We had this going on:

Did I mention I was excited for school to go back? I really am! We went back to 7pm bedtime starting tonight. Tomorrow (and everyday this week) we will be waking everyone up at 6am to get in the groove so next week goes as smooth as possible. I am really looking forward to August 26th. I have dedicated the entire day (well, until 3pm that is) to ME! I will be off work, free from Pharmacy Supervisor responsibilities, and every child will be in school. SWEET! I think I'll use my massage gift certificate I got for Mother's day, then maybe come home and scrapbook. Oh the excitement is hardly containable!

Here's a few more of our beloved model, Krys: